In my last blog  I shared the scripture below as a prelude to the description of a marriage that was vying for happiness outside the grasp of God.   A few days after writing that blog, I found out a dear Christian friend of mine had lost her soul mate of 56 years.  She gave me something she had written shortly after his passing and also gave me permission to share it in whatever capacity I wished.  So this week I wanted to take a break in my journey to share their journey and the beautiful reflection of Christ love for us.

” Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper” – Psalms 1: 1-3

As I am writing this after 56 years of a wonderful marriage of commitment, my heart beats with sheer joy, but my spirit within my being thinks of the generation which is not into that commitment of love, honor and obedience (or as I say submission) Sometimes a husband and wife have to submit to the wishes or yearnings of the other. Archie and I had our ups and downs, but we had determined from the beginning that the word divorce would not be in our vocabulary.  There is a sweet saying we have on a plaque in our bedroom, “Grow old with me, the best is yet to come”  It is true! Even though Archie was on dialysis with health issues the last few years, we worked together to make those days good days. The other days were best days too because he too had helped me make my chemo and radiation days good days. We had a wonderful and blessed life.  With Archie’s death I have thought more about my two miscarriages and wonder if Archie is getting acquainted with them.  What do you think?

This glorious morning as I sat in my devotional rocking chair, I am looking out of my front door into a beautiful hill scene, thanking God for so much, but there is  a deep void. Sometimes the loneliness engulfs me, causing tears to flow, not only down my cheeks, but to the shoulders.  After I have had a cleansing cry, in my spirit I seem to hear the still voice of my Heavenly Father say to me, remember my promise I will never leave you or forsake you.  Then the engulfing feeling of loneliness seems to dissipate as a warm embracing feeling brings to memory the last words I heard my husband say.  Each night before going to sleep, we would hold hands and pray Psalm 1:1-3.  We would pray for our family and friends and those who were a part of our working relationships.  We would also close with a prayer that God would keep us as the apple of His eye and under the shadow of His wings.  Sometimes if it had been a tough day, I would ask Archie “Am I going to be ok?” Archie would say ” Yes, we are going to be Ok”  I knew we were.

At the end when they said that Archie would not have much longer with us, I asked the nurse to leave the drip for his blood pressure on and let me have a few minutes with him.  I curled up in bed beside him quietly at first.  I began quoting Psalm 1:1-3 I could see his mouth moving as if he were praying with me.  Afterwards I said, “Archie, will I be OK”?  He was very weak, but with a strong voice God allowed me to hear Archie say  “Pat you are going to be ok”  Just a couple of hours later, with Pastor, family and friends in the waiting room, we quoted scripture as Archie stepped out into the arms of his Savior.

As I sat and read the words my dear friend Pat had written about her final moments with Archie, my eyes welled up with tears as I reflected on this example of the very truth I was attempting to reflect in my last blog.  The scripture they had prayed  every evening was also the one God had placed on my heart to use in my blog.   The example I saw in them as a couple was what I strived for my marriage to become.  How I wished I had not allowed divorce to be in my vocabulary yet, how amazing the grace of God is that covers all our sins and restores broken lives to reflect his healing power.  It is because of that grace we can still end our story as a couple restored by the power of the blood of Jesus Christ.

I thank God for the privilege of having a peek into the lives of such a strong Godly couple.  You know that your light is pure and true when upon the end of your journey here on earth the reflection of your light remains to illuminate the path for others!

“Relish life with the spouse you love, each and every day of your precarious life.  Each day is a gift.  It’s all you get in exchange for the hard work of staying alive.”  Ecclesiastes 9:9 (The Message)

” Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper” – Psalms 1: 1-3

How easy it was to fall back into the comfort zone of life and carry on in our marriage as if the tidal wave that had wiped us out never happened.  Besides it is so much easier to stick your head in the sand and ignore the negative aspects of your relationship.  If you live in denial of the true condition of your marriage then the true condition cannot exist, right?  The deeper the hurts and confusion are buried the harder it is for them to rise up again, right?  Happiness is 90% perception and 10% reality.  So if I perceived my marriage to be fixed then I could create an illusion of happiness.

I doubt I have to tell you that none of these concepts are true.   Denial does not make the issues non-existent in fact, it buries them deep within a fertile area where they can actually grow and like a vine or weed sprout out and choke the good flowers you are trying to nurture in your life. The false “feeling” of happiness is short-lived and used only as a clever distraction by the enemy to keep you from making any significant changes.

Our relationship was a perfect example of this in action.  Reunification without true reconciliation brought not only our old baggage, but new luggage we had picked up during our divorce into the mix.  This created a heavy load that we both carried.  We desperately tried to find true happiness  and in the process  were lured into a false reality of what would bring that happiness.

Since we were married at such a young age and now remarried while still in our early 20’s , We found ourselves  indulging in the party scene as a couple more and more;  truly believing that this new-found freedom of self-expression and release of tension was surely the thing we needed to be happy.  I cringe when I think of the things we allowed to enter into our marriage for the sake of self fulfillment, or what we thought would  make the other happy.  Happiness and contentment with each other was something we so desperately desired; but with each failing attempt to maintain happiness we opened areas of ourselves we did not even realize to influence and control of the enemy .

Alcohol, music, party friends all started to become a way of life for us.  With each step over that grey line we made, the easier the next one became.  It was amazing how quickly we slid into the pit of deception. How easily our perception of love and happiness was so easily changed.  What had started out as a sincere desire to do things right and achieve the fairy tale relationship, had so easily and rapidly gone down the slippery slope of destruction.  One drink lead to another, one compromise lead to another. Before you realized what was happening, the very thing you thought would bring you happiness had only led to deception, frustration, bitterness and constant bickering.  What was supposed to be gaining momentum and becoming stronger was turning into a competitive match of who could come out on top.  Weapons such as the silent treatment, rolling eyes, controlling actions, intimidation, guilt trips became predominate in our household.

The only sign of God in our marriage at this point was the fact we attended church on Sunday morning like every good Christian family should, but that Bible never came off the shelve otherwise; it was just an accessory that accompanied us to church on Sunday.

How did we truly expect happiness to be in the equation when the very thing we needed to obtain genuine happiness was propped up on a bookshelf.   The weapons of Gods word and prayer were  seldom yielded , so our defeat and destruction were inevitable.

” Whatever you ask the Father in My name He will give you. Until now you have asked nothing in My name. Ask and you will receive, that your joy may be full. ” – John 16:23-24

The Bible is the living breathing word of God and is applicable in all aspects of our lives. We had not ask anything of the Lord in Jesus name or any other name. We had made all decisions and plans based on our own knowledge and desires.  We were not walking in the counsel of the wise and it showed.

“Blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it!”  Luke 11:28

“If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.  These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.”  John 15:10-11

True happiness is not found in self- indulgence but in following the one who reflects perfect love.  Read the words he wrote lovingly and specifically for you and your situation.  He will never leave or abandon you. If you seek Him in his word, His words will come to life on the page and become relevant and applicable to your ordinary everyday existence.

“He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with Your God. ” Micah 6:8

Heavenly Father thank you for true joy that only comes from you! Thank you for loving us so much that you refuse to leave us in the mess we make of our lives. I pray that by the reading of your word and the voice of our prayers lifted up to your throne we will find the light to the path you have designed for our marriages.  Our marriages are to be a reflection of Christ unconditional love.  May we more closely reflect that everyday as we seek your face.  Amen