“Love never looks back”. I Corinthians 13:7 (The Message)

One of the greatest gifts God gave us by sacrificing His son on the cross was forgiveness and new beginnings.

“ Anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new.  The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it!  All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other.”  2 Corinthians 5:17-18 (The Message)

The blood of Jesus Christ covers our sins completely!  It is through the blood of the lamb that we are granted access to the Throne Room!  God made a way to have relationship with us and our sinful nature so how can we not show that same love and deep relational desire to our spouse?

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103: 12 (NKJV)

God wants our marriages to reflect His purest love.  Just like He requires us to repent of our sins and receive forgiveness, He expects us to confront the sinful nature in our relationships, repent and move forward .  This is something God feels very strongly about.

” But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins”  Matthew 6:15

We need to address and repent of the sins that are damaging our relationships and forgive our spouses.  If you do not forgive your spouse then God cannot forgive you.  Let that sink in for a moment.  You are no better than your spouse so if unforgiveness is what you choose then you have chosen it for yourself as well. Gods word is truth. It does not change and it does not contradict itself.

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present.  I’m about to do something brand-new!”  Isaiah 43: 18 (The Message)

Once we have chosen forgiveness we then have to put it in the past.  You cannot move forward if you are constantly looking back.  There is nothing that hinders healing more in a marriage than a spouse that continually throws old history into current time.  Remember, words have power; they bring life or death into your marriage.  Words of past wrongs will never allow for new behaviors to flourish.  Love never looks back.  Love is alert and aware of the present.  How are you going to recognize this new thing God wants to do in your marriage if your focus is still back on the past?   Be very conscious of what is taking place in your relationship.  You don’t want to miss out on the new thing God is doing!!

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has So wondrously reached out for me.  Friends, don’t get me wrong; by no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but i’ve Got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward- to Jesus.  I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.”  Phillipans 3:12-14 (The Message)

My marriage is in such a better place than in has been in the past. However, just like what Paul said in Phillipians, I do not claim to have it all together.  The difference is that I am keeping my eye on Christ and His beckoning for our marriage to move forward.  The only time I find myself reflecting on my past, is in the moments where I am recognizing the new thing God has done in me personally and my marriage.  I do not dwell on the past mistakes but use them as the confirmation of the renewing of my mind.  Then I am energized to run forward leaving my past mistakes in the dust.

Take it from someone who has lived the majority of her marriage looking in the rear view mirror, there is freedom found in letting go of your past and embracing a future that is fresh and new.  Leave your past at the foot of the cross where it belongs.   God promises to make all things new!  We just need to keep our eyes on Him and not on the past.

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; Dwell in the land , and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And he shall bring it to pass”  Psalm 37: 3-5 (NKJV)

Our hope is found In Jesus.  Nothing is impossible for Him.  Delight in the Lord, keep your focus on Him and He will give yo the desires of your heart!   There is so much joy to be found in your marriage. Be present and alert.  You do not want to miss the new thing God is doing in your marriage.

“ Love always looks for the best”.  1 Corinthians 13:7 (The Message)

Where does your vision tend to focus?  Do you focus in on the positive or the negative aspects of your spouses personality?  How we choose to see things has an enormous impact on how things will ultimately be.

There are so many lessons God has been teaching me over the last several years which have revolved around my attitude and choice of focus.  I am now able to see that my focus determines my attitude about certain situations in my marriage.  Just like being a front door instead of a roof is destructive to our marital foundation, focusing on the negative is destructive to the harmony within your marriage.

My past reflects how much the negativity was in focus and how blurry the positive things were.  I had put myself on a mission to correct all the negative things that needed corrected in Bryan.  In order to correct them I believed that I needed to focus on them daily.  The change I desired to see in my marriage was choked out by the very thing I thought would facilitate the change.  Love always looks for the best. Love is choked out when we focus on the worst.

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure , whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”  Phillipians 4:8

When we feel ourselves focusing in on the negative, becoming frustrated, annoyed, wanting to throw in the towel; Lets reflect on Phillipians 4:8.  Measure your thoughts against this truth and if they do not measure up, release them.  Fill your mind with what is true, honorable and just and allow love in it’s purest form to surround your marriage.

I have found that changing my thought process to the positive attributes of my spouse has naturally facilitated less negative behaviors.  I not only focus on  the positive but speak words of encouragement and recognition of them to my spouse.  Verbalizing something puts a seal over it in your mind; it just seems to stick better.   Speak words of encouragement  and positive reinforcement into your relationship.   Love has the power to permanently change a person.  This love that God is instructing us to give, is the same love He has shown to us by giving his only child to die on a cross for our redemption.  That is the kind of love God desires to see reflected back to him through our marriages.  Looking for the best in your spouse and choosing to allow those things to dominate your heart and mind will reflect the love that was intended to be experienced in the unity of marriage.

“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose”  Proverbs 18:21 (The Message)

Yours words are either killing your marriage or breathing life into it… you choose.  What you think in your mind will take root and escape out of your mouth.  Negative thoughts are like drinking poison; you are destined for death.  Positive thoughts are like delicious fruit nourishing and giving you strength and life.   What will you choose for your marriage today?

“Love Puts up with anything”  1 Corinthians 13:7 (The Message) Love bears all things (NKJV)

Let’s start out by looking at the Greek origin for this word “bears”, so we can get a clear understanding of the nature of this verse.

Bears – (stego from stege = a thatch or roof or covering of a building) derives its first meaning from stege and thus means to cover closely, to protect by covering and then, to conceal and then, by covering, to bear up under. Note that at the core of its meaning stego denotes an activity or state which blocks entry from without or exit from within.

Are you covering your spouse to ensure nothing harmful, negative or degrading is able to touch them?

I want to share a excerpt from the book “Adamant” by Lisa Bevere as it reflects a beautiful example of this “covering”, we want to explore.  This is in reflection of Gen 1:3-4 where God separated the light from the darkness. “ And while the Spirit of God hovered and covered, he spoke. His words were chosen with care. He did not echo the reality of a formless, void sphere of darkness.  He released what would shape what it should be.  In the face of chaos and darkness, God called forth an awakening.  Face-to-face with the finality of dark waters, God spoke a dawn, a new beginning, a day.  God spoke light.”

What an amazing reflection of love and determination!  In the face of total darkness, God spoke light.  Do you speak light and hope into the dark places within your marriage or do you validate the current reality?  Words are powerful! They either bear your spouse or bare your spouse.

I can tell you as a person who has been on both sides of this fence that words have so much power over the condition of your marriage.  In the past my posture was more of a front door than a roof covering; ushering in all who wanted to hear about the shortcomings of my husband.  When friends or coworkers would get together for a little husband bashing I was quick to jump on that bandwagon.  Not only did that unfairly degrade the character of my husband, those words validated the darkness instead of separating it from the light. Today, I am more of a roof than a front door.  No matter how I am “feeling”, I choose to speak words of positivity in regards to my husband.  Remember the old saying “if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all”? This should be your motto when it comes to your spouse.  Spouse bashing is so prevalent in today’s society, so brace yourself for some strange looks when you declare the good qualities you admire in your spouse. But also brace yourself for the flowering of those truths you are choosing to speak. Just as much as negative words breed negativity; positive words breed positivity!  You will find yourself with less frustration and more admiration of your spouse.  Just like counting your blessings can change your heart posture, so can focusing and speaking those things that you admire about your spouse; especially when you find it hard to find them.  It’s a choice.  It literally makes me smile when I am able to brag on the awesomeness of my husband to others.

Be a roof over your marriage. Protect it. Seal it.  You do not want harm to come to your spouse or your family, so do not be a front door that allows the wolf to enter your home.  Deal with the sinful nature of your spouse within the safe boundaries of your home.  Do not protect sin but protect the way you deal with the sinner.  Always rebuke sin with grace and love. Put up with anything, choosing to lift up your spouse and speak the words over them that you want to see manifested.  Just like God separated the light from the darkness you have the same power to do in your marriage.

“Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth” 1 Corinthians 13:6

Love is an encouraging emotion.  When you love someone you nurture, support and encourage them. You find great pleasure in watching them walk out a life of integrity and righteousness.  This encouragement then stimulates further pursuit of this behavior which brings so much joy and cohesion to your marriage.  God’s word is the truth that we long to see manifested in our marriages.

“Your blessed when you stay on course, walking steadily on the road revealed by God.  You’re blessed when you follow his directions, doing your best to find him.   That’s right you don’t go off on your own; you walk straight along the road he set. You, God, prescribed the right way to live; now you expect us to live it.  Oh, that my steps might be steady, keeping to the course you set; Then I’d never have any regrets in comparing my life with your counsel.  I thank you for speaking straight from your heart; I learn the pattern of your righteous ways. I’m going to do what you tell me to do; don’t ever walk off and leave me”  Psalm 119: 1-8 (The Message)

When God is the navigator of the pathways in our marriage then we find ourselves blessed.  We find pleasure in walking out God’s truths and seeing the fruits of our obedience flourish in different aspects of our relationship.  How do we find pleasure in the flowering of truth?  There are several ways you as a couple can find pleasure in truth.  Pray together as a couple. When we find ourselves wandering off God’s path or at a crossroads with different opinions on which way to go; find pleasure in truth by collectively praying for wisdom and discernment.  Be active in your local church.  The people you hang out with and spend the most time with individually and as a couple impacts the atmosphere of your marriage.  Read your Bible daily.  You can not find pleasure in a truth you know nothing about.  Feed your mind and soul with the bread of life, God’s word,daily.  As you delight in God’s word and seek Him with your whole hearts, you will begin to reap the blessings of obedience.   Love and nurture your relationship and see the fruits of the spirit  begin to manifest themselves.

“But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard. Things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity.  We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people.  We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.”  Galatians 5:22-23

Find great pleasure in the flowering of truth in your marriage. Bear fruit that will strengthen and enhance your relationship.  Cultivate your marriage into a beacon of hope that can be a lighthouse to others who are seeking truth.

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4

Jesus is the way, the TRUTH, and the life! Delight in Him and he will give you the desires of your heart.