“Love doesn’t force itself on others “. 1 Corinthians 13:5

This is one I had to really seek wisdom from God on.  What does He mean by doesn’t force itself on others? King James versions says “ does not behave rudely”  How do we make sure we are loving this way in our marriages?  His answer, follow my example.   Jesus never forced himself on others.  He did not go around boasting about who He was and the wisdom and power He had.  He simply loved people and was willing to serve them. He was even willing to die on the cross leaving the option of accepting the gift of His sacrifice to each and every individual.  Now that is a monumental example of not forcing yourself on others.

“Real wisdom, God’s wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results, only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor.” James 3: 17-18 (The Message)

Do you want to be wise in regards to maintaining a healthy marriage? Then the word tells us to be gentle, reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings.  We are not to force ourselves and our way of thinking on our spouse.  Remember Jesus says “follow me”  He came to earth to show us how to live out this perfect love.  We are to give what we have received; grace and mercy from a patient, gentle God full of blessings.  He is never changing;  His yes means yes and His no means no.  We need to reflect that same love to our spouse.  We need to understand that marriage is not a union of two people who then compete and deplete each other.  Marriage is a unity that combines two people into “one”.

You want to reap the benefits of a marriage blessed by God?  Then follow His example.  Love your spouse with all of their flaws.  Lets face it, your not flawless.  Show grace when your spouse screws up.  Lets face it, your not perfect.  Listen to your spouse and show compassion and patience. Lets face it, your not the easiest person to get along with either.

You have no power to force your spouse to do anything.  Being rude and arrogant will never result in your spouse feeling loved.  It will only crack a window for the enemy to slither through and attempt to divide and conquer.  Don’t give the devil that kind of foothold with your family!

“Love doesn’t have a swelled head”. 1 Corinthians 13:4

Swelled head: thinking you are more intelligent and more important than you really are.

Do you have a swelled head when it comes to your marriage?  What do I mean by that?  Do you set yourself on a pedestal and make yourself King or Queen of the marriage?  Do you parade around showing off to everyone who will listen to your wit and charm?  Is your spouse an “ornament” you show off?  Are you a show off when out with your spouse; demeaning and talking down to your spouse making them feel less, so you can puff yourself up?   True love never reflects itself in this manner.

Marriage is a unity of a man and woman who are to become one according to the Bible.

“and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.” Mark 10:8

Once we enter the marriage covenant we are no longer two separate individuals but one flesh.  Let that sink in for a moment.  If you are one flesh then there cannot be a “head” person. There is only “one” person working together in humility and grace to walk in step with your partner in such a way that you are perceived as one.   That is not an easy or natural way to coexist.  God knew we were going to have some struggles.

”I know there are some among you who are so full of themselves they never listen to anyone, let alone me”. 1 Corinthians 4:18 (The Message)

Ouch! This scripture stings a little.  When pride overtakes you and you become so cocky and self reliant that you don’t feel the need to have any words of wisdom spoken to you or over your marriage, the trap is set for failure. You are so self absorbed that you won’t even listen to a friend or a spouse much less God himself.  True wisdom and strength comes from a heart surrendered to God.  Patience, love, grace and understanding are virtues you need God to pour over you so that you can pour them over your marriage.

“then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind.”  Philippians 2:2

God created marriage and he delights in us when we are one flesh.  When we are like-minded and full of love, our spirits and minds are focused on Him.  God is the cornerstone that gives our marriages a firm foundation.  When we have God as our focal point then our minds and spirits are connected through Him.  The only way we can truly become one flesh is to allow the spirit of God to join us.

Do not think of yourself more important or significant than you are.  Look at your spouse and understand that they are a part of you.  Neither one of you are more important than the other; you are both sinners in need of a savior and if you will humbly surrender first to God and then to each other you will begin to truly understand what it means to be one flesh as God intended.

 Love doesn’t strut – I Corinthians 13:4 (the message)

Strut: to walk with your chest pushed forward and your shoulders back to show you are proud.

For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.Galatians 6:3

Love doesn’t strut.  Love is humble and kind. Love cares for others more than itself.  How is love being reflected in your marriage? Who is in control in your marriage? Do you look at your spouse from the eyes of humility and grace or do you strut around with your chest out and proudly proclaim that you are the leader of your marriage?  Do you depend on your own ability and charming personality to bring love and cohesion to your marriage?   The scripture warns us that anyone who thinks he/she is something they are not; deceives themselves.  Are you operating within your marriage from a deceptive illusion of self reliance?

Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before stumbling. Proverbs 16:18

If you are a “strutter” in your relationship, the destiny for your marriage is stumbling blocks that will ultimately lead to destruction.   Where pride exist, God cannot.  It takes surrender and humility to usher in the Holy Spirit. If you want to hold on to your marriage you have to release it.  A truly strong partner knows their limitations and knows the power of surrender.  The world says you have to be strong and independent.  Jesus says the opposite strength is found in dependence on Him!  There is great freedom found in releasing the burden of self reliance.

A man’s pride will bring him low, But a humble spirit will obtain honor. Proverbs 29:23

Who doesn’t want to have a marriage full of love, honor and respect.  These qualities are obtainable for those who have a humble spirit.  Strutting your stuff will not bring you the attention your desire; quite the opposite, it will ultimately bring you to your knees.   There is great power found within the walls of a home that humbles themselves to the Lord.  Rest and refreshment will be found when we stop trying to carry loads we were never designed to carry.

So I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it.  Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it is all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.  2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (The message)

What struggle are you wresting with in your marriage?  Let it bring you to your knees!  No danger then of strutting!   You are strong when you are weak.  Your marriage with be protected within the boundaries of surrender. Release your marriage to the only one who can strengthen it.

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.  1 Corinthians 13:4 ( The Message)

In today’s society with the technology that allows us to stay connected to everyone, it is extremely easy to get caught up in the “ I want what they have “ trap.  Facebook has become a showcase for the best side of everyone’s relationships; becoming a looking glass others are comparing their relationship to.  The Bible tells us that true love is contentment not envious desires for what we perceive that we are missing.

It is interesting that our human nature draws us to envy or desire things we perceive that others have that is better than what we currently have.  It is all a matter of perspective.  The enemy wants to distort our perspective and draw our focus to the things that “appear” to be more attractive.

A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot. Proverbs 14:30

Envy is a destroyer of marriages.  It is a cancer that runs through a relationship removing all hope of sincere love.  The Bible tells us that envy makes the bones rot!  It also sours our marriages and takes away the blessings God has prepared for the unity of marriage.

It is a very slippery downhill slope when you begin to look outside your marriage and compare your spouse with someone else.  Stop wasting your energy on comparison to a false illusion of others perfections and instead foster the relationship you are already in.  Take a moment to really think about how powerful the mind is.  What we feed into our minds begins to penetrate all aspects of our lives. If you are constantly feeding your mind with discontentment then you are going to have a marriage that is discontent.  If you feed into your mind the positive aspects of your marriage in all its uniqueness, then love and peace will fill your marital relationship.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Philippians 4:8

Let’s find contentment in our marriage by focusing on our marriage.  Remember we should be seeing our spouse through the lens of humility. Focus on the reasons you married your spouse in the first place.  Take some time and write down the unique qualities you love about your spouse and share them with someone this week.  Bragging on your spouse and the love and contentment you have in your marriage will shut the door of discontentment!  Refuse to engage in “trash talk” about your spouse or others spouses.  Only speak words that edify your spouse and bring love and respect to your relationship.  Be aware of your attitude and the things you allow to be put into your mind and spoken over your relationships. Both of these things are either a pillar of strength or destruction in your marriage.

As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” Isaiah 62:5

I challenge you this week to be aware of what you have, more than what you think you don’t have.

Oh, Lord! Our prayer this week is that we would rejoice over one another and in turn, rest in the knowledge that You, God, rejoice over us as your children.