Here we are at week two of our renovations. This week has had a very deep impact on me from something simplistic yet profound. I admitted last week that I have a deep rooted issue with control which can Lead to moments of great anxiety. This endeavor to remodel the house with a budget we hope we can maintain, fear of unexpected issues or expenditures or the greatest fear we cannot bring it to completion; has definitely had me in a battlefield of the mind. I tell myself that I am giving control to God over and over again, yet signs of hidden anxiety rear their ugly head in me both physically and mentally. This then leads to anxiety about the fact I have anxiety and the crazy wheel begins to spin completely out of control.
This renovation is happening! demo has begun and as my husband so playfully stated there is no changing your mind now. What was the master bathroom is now gutted and we have moved into the guest bathroom until our new master suite is complete. We only choose the busiest month ever to take this plunge! December with all of it’s Christmas craziness and adding in the fact we are leaving for a weeks vacation in Florida in two weeks. Christmas shopping needs to get done. Once again my lack of control over the Calendar and the speed time moves is very overwhelming to me. I need to know that I have a plan of attack that will result in everything coming together exactly as I have envisioned it. Plan was mapped out and then…. the winter storm warning came in for the weekend. Anywhere from 1”- 24” inches of snow predicted which meant being stuck at home all weekend with a high probability of no power. Grocery shopping needs to get done, supplies checked, would we be able to find our Coleman stove and camping coffee pot or were they buried Under the many boxes we have been packing for this renovation?? Are you now feeling anxious? Welcome to my world Where one little questioning thought that runs through your mind and bam full fledge marathon of worries to follow.
The “anxiety ants” came a marching through one by one. We had purchased tickets again this year for the local theater play “The Best Christmas Padgett Ever”; last year this had been cancelled due to snow and ice and it seemed to me that I was not destined to see this play ever! Next it was the lack of time to complete my Christmas shopping. I only had two weekends left before we head to Florida and a half a day of one of those was already taken up with another commitment. I was never going to have enough time to get my shopping done!
In the midst of my struggles to surrender to the process and retrain my brain to understand that it is not in control at all, God showed up with His fatherly love to give me reassurance, comfort and encouragement. This love that God has for us, blows my mind time and time again. No matter how much we do not feel like we deserve it, His love never changes! It is an everyday kind of love and every moment we are in it! The only thing that changes is whether or not we tune in enough to recognize it.
Saturday morning arrived and as I woke up and peeked out the window to see what Mother Nature had bestowed on us while we were sleeping, it was rain only. Hum, maybe we can get some things done this morning before this rain changes into something worse. Bryan and I spent the morning doing some Christmas shopping and even taking the time to make some decisions and purchases for our remodel. We came home and as I moved everything out of our master bath into the guest bath, Bryan finished the demo. It was early afternoon and as friends that lived in the surrounding area were posting that snow was falling, rain was still falling for us. The play was at 7:00, would it be possible that we could go this year? We ate dinner and got ready for the play. As we were leaving the play the winter mix began to arrive, the timing was perfect as we got home before the slushy snow began to fall. It was in that moment, walking to the car after the play, that I realized God had given me the desire of my heart. It made me smile, actually giggle as I walked through the very cold wet mix to the warmth of our car. As we were driving home I was thinking about how I had so many mixed emotions about this weekend. Like a kid who wanted everything, I had a perfect scenario mapped out in my mind. A weekend snow would be awesome. Anytime it snows and I do not have the anxiety of having to drive to or from work is a good snow day. I could envision having some relaxing time with a hot cup of coffee and a beautiful view of a snow covered yard out my windows, that was appealing. But, I did not want to lose power, miss my play and even better be able to get a few things done then it could snow. By the way an extra day in the weekend would be great so no work on Monday maybe? A text came through and snapped me out of my thoughts; Church has been cancelled due to the overnight weather threat. I guess I will be sleeping in tomorrow.
Sunday morning we slept in and watched the service online in our pajamas with a hot cup of coffee and breakfast. Breakfast and worship no better way to start a day! We had only a few inches of slushy snow and our power had never even flickered. I then began my Sunday routine and headed to the kitchen for my dinner prep work for the week. I was once again stopped by a text from work, the office will be closed on Monday. My smile and giggles returned once again as this little desire of my heart was fulfilled. I was once again feeling overwhelmed. This time however my anxiety had been replaced by the overwhelming love of a Father who is in complete control of my life. This Father who choose to shine on me this weekend; to meet me in the battle field and not only remind me of who was in control but to allow me to experience His love in action. I prefer this kind of overwhelmed!
“The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty one, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing”. Zephaniah 3:17
I experienced the truth of this scripture this weekend! In the simplicity of such small and insignificant things the message of God’s love rang through loud and clear. I challenge you to take the time to recognize the love of God in the midst of your day. Allow His love to change your perspective and squash the “ants of anxiety” before they build a permanent home in your mind.
